there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
