I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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