some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
