How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
