he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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