Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
