She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
