So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
