i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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