i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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