Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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