She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
two words: eviction party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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