Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
