Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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