Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
