Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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