I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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