I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
