whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
