The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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