ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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