I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
