I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
