Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
