No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
