I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
