3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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