From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
