I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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