i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
