My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
