Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
