the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
