just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
