that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my shit smells like andre
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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