his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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