smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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