I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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