I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
