you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
