Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize