dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
