apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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