stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
