I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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