He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You're like the curious george of whores
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
