I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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