I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
