Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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