Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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