I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
