I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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