Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
