The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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