Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
