and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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