wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
