I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize