Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
