he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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