why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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