You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
