dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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