you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
